they're gonna catnap my cats ...

I was stopped July 5, 2015 for the forty-fifth time since January 1998 by police in Portland, ME.

While I lay in bed with my wife and dog, there came a knock on the door at precisely 21h11. I checked the clock. 

"Is that a knock!?" 

"Sounds like it." 

"Don't answer it!" 

More knocking! 

"They're not going to go away ..." 

"Alright. You get the door ..." 

My wife steps down the thirteen odd steps to answer the door. The dog is barking and is at the second floor door with her when my wife answers the door. The dog barks. I overhear that it is the police. My wife is saying to the policeman that 'we had just gone to bed.' 

"I'm coming down," I say from the top of the thirteen odd steps. "No weapons," I say to the male officer at the door and the female officer with a flash light behind the male officer as I put my hands in the air and then lower my hands. 

"What was going on?" the male officer asks. 

"Listen. I spoke with 'Jen,' the dispatcher and explained to her that I have a First Amendment Right to walk on my floor boards at night. 'Jen, the dispatcher,' said 'I agree.' I said to 'Jen' that my two cats and dog also have a First Amendment Right to walk on the floor boards. 'Jen' said 'I agree.' I even said to 'Jen' that I have First Amendment to use the faucet in the kitchen at night and to use the toilet at night, but just that the bathroom is directly above the second floor bedrooms. 'Jen' said 'I agree.' I said to 'Jen:' if 'she' didn't want anybody above her, 'she' should've rented the top floor. 'Jen' said 'I agree.'" 

"Are you allowed to have cats?" 

"Yes." 

"Who is your landlord?" 

"CaCa Brains." 

"So, CaCa Brains is your landlord and they let you have pets?" 

"Yes." 

"When did this all happen?" 

"Just like a week or two ago ..." 

"Just try to keep it down ..." 

"I got her a solar lamp for the hallway and bought carpet. I have three sets of headphones and gave up my spot in the driveway. You try herding cats ..." 

"OK. Have a good night ..." 

"Bolt the door," I say to the wife as I ascend the steps. 

What I did not tell the officer is that the second floor occupant has violated the HIPPA law by checking my 'pulse' under guise of being a nurse.